about an oxymoron i knew...

Personal is your path
come to scientific
and inventive maturity.
Ectoplasm of indistinct clarity
turn black and white...
wandering souls in stable quiddity pause.

- Franco Battiato

A slice of butterfly effect pie

Ummmm… just pondering if the wider axis your world rotates on, collapses ..how much or how little does it impact you… or do you impact it to collapse to begin with?

As a case example –
You arrive at a new place thinking nothings going to turn out right > you have more then enough friends to keep you preoccupied and you yearn for space > you get the space, you long for company > your work becomes less productive, not because it’s any different now but coz it seems monotonous somehow > you find solace in something/someone, but decide to give it up just like that > what you thought would turn out right turns out sour > you are uprooted from one place and made to shift to another > your boss quits > your CEO quits > all in a span of 3 months
Is it the butterfly effect, one ripple that causes a huge tumultuous wave, a cause and effect of one negative energy or thought to begin with? The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately cause a tornado to appear.

However such a chaos theory is proclaimed to have an effect in the external environment, but does an internal stimuls lend itself to effect the world around us? Would things be any different if you were an optimist or willing to give it a chance? Is it all in the head. Do smaller thoughts or actions have a butterfly effect on our lives? In simpler terms, thatz quantifiable and more conscious. For example – If you *think* someone is a constant source of irritant (they may or may not be) but in your mind you build a negative picture of not liking someone, while in a relationship with them, it’s only going to balloon into a powerful negative portrait and we know where it’s headed next– over the edge.

All of us have been at crossroads in our lives, and questioned ourselves where to head next. But some of us question things and people around us all the time? Or do we not? Does this constant stream of questioning and complicating often lend itself to being an impetus for initiating a chaos theory around our little bubbles? Is it all in the head or is it a nexus between the external and internal stimulus? And does it effect me alone independent of others or does it effect people I don’t know? I’ve already been blabbering …

But it seems like such a wicked vicious circle. There are moments when I wish I could be more headstrong about getting things out of my mind and focus coz they don’t seem to fit in my scheme of things. Yet it’s a vain attempt. I unfurl myself unknowingly into being involved in and with things and people i might hesitate to. I restrain myself ..at times. And at times I love the free-fall and the headrush. And then there are moments when i wish for a space in my own head – a mind cluttered with questions, images, stories, memories, faces, regrets, songs and just so many scattered thoughts swimming in your head like each have a life of their own. And I yearn for a little more solitary space to create and paint yet another illusion. And then there are times like this time, when I was unconsciously harbouring and nurturing a thought, a feeling, a ripple and before I knew I had lost the calm before the storm coz I was in the midst of one …or perhaps I’m just being melodramatic …a.g.a.i.n.

But whatever it is; it leaves me with a taste of a minute butterfly effect in my mouth ..a smack of it ..it’s tangy..or so I think.
;)