Mute Oyster

A mind too crowded
Or a mind too numb
Eitherways, silence is the ice-breaker.

An iron curtain laced with mute sulk, her room deserted seemed ambiguous to her. She kept her book down and transported herself back in the zone of numbness.

A noisy café, the cheap smell of cigarette smoke, her friends laughing over a nostalgic incident, a million thoughts cluttering her mind and numbness chased her yet again.

She smiled, but not at the anecdote in her book, or to the joke her friends cracked, she smiled in oblivion.
Irony and contradictions were her comfort elements in isolation. Obscurity was her shield in company of others.

Silence was her most detested yet most worthy idiosyncrasy.

She was complacent in the company of a stranger.
But she was bewildered to expose her obscurity to a friend.

Ever felt the need to embrace to denial and completely surrender to nothingness? It’s not satisfying but it’s reassuring. It’s like a secure wrap around you, and you assume nothing can affect you. She thought the same. Did she alienate herself? She could still walk barefoot on the grass, she could still enjoy a breezy walk along the beach, she could still buy grocery from the stores, she could still be herself but in the company of others, she switched off. She became numb to anything familiar. She felt contempt for acceptance, expectations and hope. It felt disturbing to wake up from her slumber of denial.

Finding herself in the midst of company of random familiars again…
Smiles
Talk
Attempts
Ease
Smoke
High
Light
Elbows
Laughter
High
Thoughts
Running
Evading
Chasing
Clutter
Numb
Silence.

My only concern is with silence. Will she remain silent or will she always be numb to familiar surroundings. Will she ever learn to accept and hope?
She doesn’t wish to cope or compromise. She just wishes to let go. Is numb and silence the only scream of redemption?

Reminded of lizard king's piercing cry:
"Before I sink into the big sleep I want to hear, I want to hear the scream of the butterfly"