sunshine (marshmallow tarts) in my bag...

Like an amputee who can sometimes feel a stinging, piercing pain in limb he no longer has, we often cling to a history that was never rooted in our existence. It is an intense feeling rooted in the mind, like the pain in amputee’s head.

It’s the most satisfying feeling to create an entire surreal utopia in our heads, however it becomes extremely difficult to pull yourself out of the macabre of the false world until we start to believe in it as an extension of our beings.

Over a cup of coffee yesterday, a friend casually referred to Freud’s theory on the structure of mind - ego, super-ego and the ‘id’. He further elaborated on the subject, which further digressed into a brief discussion on voyeurism. Within a few minutes intellectual view points were being tossed around, until it was sealed with one of us randomly claiming “My id is gone.” A few laughs and then everyone conveniently slipped back into common, banal conversation over a cup of black coffe and two frappes and the free choco-chip cookies…

However, Id stayed. Ego (which is our rational self) and Super –Ego (primarily our moral self subject to some amount of conditioning in a nut shell.) does’nt fascinate me so much. What interests me however is DA "ID” (Id is not pronounced as I.D (identification ID)..it's just id). The Id which is apparently buried way beyond even the deep sub-conscious is the state of our mind in the most primitive state, reflective of all our primal instincts. It’s stubborn, immature and irrational “I want it and I want it now”!! Id wants instant gratification. This is when a human’s voyeuristic instincts come to the forefront. However, Id IS primal, yes, but by primal I also mean impulsive; but i primarily believe that Id seems more substantial than just the savage instincts of man, i.e - hunger, rage and sex. Through imagination, it can be cultivated into something more intense and considerable than just primal.

Coming back to the amputee… what does an amputee’s id seek? He’s a human. He seeks the same gratification, as the rest of us. Only it becomes physically impossible for him to gratify himself. However, the faculty of the mind comes to his rescue. The power of the mind becomes his strongest sense. Imagination feeds and devours on him like a parasite. Imagination grows to be so intense and real, it could make his essential sense of being surrender to it. It’s liberating. It builds for him his alternate world. It is a ‘construct’ of his mind, nevertheless it offers him a release from the mundane reality of his existence.

If id can offer such surreal sense of space and self of being to an amputee who can feel the pain in his non-existent limbs; Id could lead you or me to my path of a surreal emancipation.

Id explores the repressed, unconscious state of being. If one was to explore this pandora’s box within us, by releasing our id not in the physical state of being but in the mental state of being, it would be a trance like paradise. A subordination of reason and rationale to the will; a space in the mind outside of the real world. No limitations, no boundaries, no fears, no inhibitions. A utopia. A self sufficient world. An alleviating headrush. And as Wordsworth (who I detest) once said “emotion recollected in tranquility.”

Assembling the memories from the personal unconscious and rendering a shape to them into a visionary illusion within the realm of mind. It’s the most beautiful place to be in – a liberation from the banal, the real. It never disappoints you. It’s a constant spring of happiness. Even the pain is alleviating, something you enjoy indulging in. It is an oxymoron – a living death, like Petrarch said. It’s your own inspired space of absolutes, it’s an anomaly alright; but it’s removed from any ambiguity. It gives you an opportunity to build your own illusion in your mind and experience it. Experience the tears, the mirth, the laughter, the tears, the decadence, and the perverse. It’s as real as it gets. Imagination can be overwhelming, and this is exactly how it feels. You feel overpowered by a feeling, an experience, a thought, an illusion you know is not real, but it feels like the absolute truth..similar to the amputee who feels the pain in his limbs that don’t exist. It might be a history that was never ours, it might be a relationship we were never in, it might be a book that was never written, it might be a person who you loved, but remained unrequited, it might be marshmallow tarts, it might be anything, absolutely anything under the sun in your mind ..it’s like sunshine in your bag ..heh :)
It’s fascinating, your surreal imagination, your utopia, with your people and your creations.

Some might brush it away as mere escape or criticize you for living in a fool’s paradise. They might jibe such dreamers for not comprehending the real or absconding it . However what falls beyond their comprehension is that you’ve transgressed those mundane conformists and their conditional trappings. You have managed to experience the abstract in an absolute experience. Who’s the fool thus? Us or Them?

However, the reality stings harder than before when you descend from this surreal elusive space back into your mundane grounded domain

Nevertheless, you know, that unlike others who lack the power of imagination or cannot tap into their emotion recollected in tranquility, you can always liberate yourselves from the trappings of the mundane and release your ‘id’. *subtle smirk*

P.S: A song that describes such abandoned state of mind n soul - Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz..heh

I ain't happy, I' m feelin glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long the future is comin' on
- Gorillaz